I Give…Up or In

I feel like I’m living in the funky, murky, no-man’s-land of writing lately. On the one hand, I’ve been fighting discouragement…big time. On the other, I’ve been giving thanks for having been given yet another book contract. But most of the time, I’m landing somewhere in the middle of giving up or giving in…to writing.

This morning guess what I found in my Inbox? A terrific post by literary agent, Steve Laube, which I completely identified with…read below his wise words to all writers who want to give up.

Next, read a lovely review that was posted on FaithfulReader.com this weekend…which made me want to keep writing and give in and give it all I’ve got.

Yes, I frequently live in that funky, murky, no-man’s-land along with every other writer I know.

Steve Laube writes —

Is it common for an author to hit a wall of discouragement? To feel as though they’re working so hard for so little? To question why they’re doing this?

Unfortunately it is quite common. Doesn’t mean it aches any less. Sort of like getting old…everyone does and it aches, but it is a common malady.

I recently read a blog by a writer in the general market who wrote, “Why am I doing this? I work so hard for so little money.”

It truly comes down to whether your calling is stronger than the frustration and anguish of the writing process.

In some ways it is like the life of the writer. If you cannot not write then you know where your passions lay. If you can put it aside and write when the inspiration strikes, then you are a hobbyist and should treat writing as such. I find this separates many in this profession rather quickly.

The author replied a day later with this:

“I had two dark days, for whatever reason. But yesterday afternoon, wouldn’t you know, those dark hours translated into my writing in just the way the manuscript needed. I’m learning that the work of writing and the love of writing are a bit different. I love having written! And I could step away from it for a time, but writing will always woo me.”

Maggie Harding, reviewer for FaithfulReader.com writes –

ONE SIZE FITS ALL, Michele Howe’s latest book, is designed to help women enjoy life to the fullest, regardless of what challenges life has thrown at them.

Millions of self-help books are bought each year by people looking for answers to specific problems, ranging from anorexia to xenophobia. It is always encouraging when the book you’ve chosen for your particular problem not only gives you new insights but also affirms some of the steps you have already taken. Whether your goal is to simplify, amplify, de-stress, motivate, or in some other way improve your quality of life, ONE SIZE FITS ALL provides some unique perspectives that will help you move forward.

Howe has demonstrated that her own “aha” moments have been instrumental in helping her write hundreds of articles and 12 books that are geared toward helping people discover their own potential and inner strengths…their own perfect size.

“Whether your goal is to simplify, amplify, de-stress, motivate, or in some other way improve your quality of life, ONE SIZE FITS ALL provides some unique perspectives that will help you move forward.”
One-size-fits-all is a catchy phrase that women, especially those who are traditionally built, often find laughable. In selecting the title for this book, Howe demonstrates her talent for choosing the precise words that will best communicate her ideas. And while one-size-fits-all may be a stretch when it comes to clothing, universal truths do exist for all. Applying these truths will help us to improve the quality of our lives while making life more pleasant for those in our immediate circle and, perhaps, even for the world. For example, the choices that a person makes will affect the quality of his or her life. Simple but true.

Howe uses the principle of the persistence of Helen Keller to illustrate how a person with disabilities can become an inspiration to millions because she would not give up until she learned to communicate. Being both deaf and blind seemed like an insurmountable barrier, but motivated by her teacher, Anne Sullivan, Keller became an icon for those with disabilities. Her choices greatly affected the quality of her life and the lives of many others.

Howe presents nuggets of wisdom in a way that makes them clear and memorable. Her writing style is concise without being terse, friendly without being folksy. She shows her appreciation for how busy most of us are and gets right to the point in each of her 50 bite-sized chapters. These chapters can be used as a study guide for small groups, choosing a topic to discuss each week. Or it can be used as a daily devotional that is sure to give you some interesting ideas to think about during your day. One could also scan the table of contents and pick a topic that seems relevant. Whether you choose “Feeling Pulled in Every Direction (With a Little Help From Your Friends)” or “What’s Eating You?” you are sure to find many insights based on Christian principles.

However, we must keep in mind an important truth: information does not equal transformation. Unless we use what we have learned, it won’t help us make better choices. And, as another wise person said, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

Reviewed by Maggie Harding on February 13, 2013

I wonder what you’re facing today that makes you want to give up or give in to?

Go Fly a Kite – And Find Your Vocation

Lately, I’ve been spending too much time trying to decide if I want to stay in publishing or not.

I’ve been thrust backing into marketing (with a vengeance) because it’s my job (not my publisher’s) to see to it that every contact I have is alerted to the fact that I’ve got another book out.

A book, mind you, that took quite a bit of time and energy (not to mention heart and soul) to create.

Still, as excited as I am about seeing this work in print, my work is only beginning…so I now spend hours upon hours reaching out to fine folks who very graciously helped me promote my last book, Burdens Do a Body Good.

I’ve discovered lately that as much as I inwardly groan about having to invest my hours and days spreading the word about One Size Fits All, publishing (even with all its quirks and frustrations) is still the place where I want to be.

One of my favorite authors, Vinita Hampton Wright, said this in her book, The Soul Tells a Story, and I think it fits with what I’ve been hashing over a lot lately.

Spend time today remembering what you loved as a child, before other people told you what was sensible.

What did I love most as a kid?

Books.
Reading.
Writing.

Always have.
Always will.

In fact, one of my favorite childhood memories is bringing home the quarterly book catalog from school and looking it over trying to decide which books to order. Thankfully, my parents valued reading and gave me a generous amount of money to spend on these wonderful finds.

I suppose (talking to myself here) I’m reminded that every vocation has parts of it that we don’t like…but the question I have to ask myself is this, “Do the benefits outweigh the negatives?”

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Every single time, yes.

Books.
Reading.
Writing.

They send me soaring.

Happy New Year – Happy (New Book)

Yep, here it is…the cover of my new book, One Size Fits All: Making Healthy Choices, Stepping Into a Meaningful Life which you can find at Amazon.com.

I’m so happy to be welcoming in the New Year with a new book release.

And isn’t it both timely and appropriate that the contents of One Size Fits All are all about making healthy choices and using those choices to step into a meaningful life?

I think so.

Already, I’ve been happily amazed at the goodwill extended my way by others to help spread the word of this book.

Like everyone I know, I hate asking for help…but people are asking me how they can help me get the word out about One Size Fits All…and I’m happy to offer a few ideas.

Here’s some suggestions I’ve gathered from other authors (along with my own.)

If you like what you read, then please put some steps to your kind intentions by:

1. Spreading the word on FB/Twitter/Pinterest/your blog/email.
2. Write a review on Amazon/Barnes & Noble/CBD.com
3. Add the book to your list of favorites on Myspace/Amazon/Shelfari/Shoutlife/Facebook/Goodreads.
4. “Like” my One Size Fits All Facebook page.
5. “Like” the book on Amazon.
6. Request your library and your favorite bookstores buy a copy(ies).
7. After you read the book, leave it where others might see it, such as a waiting room.
8. Recommend it as a book study group read.
9. Tell your friends.
10. Repeat #9 again, again and again (word of mouth is the most powerful marketing tool out there.)

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

My Invisible Pain – It’s Present Whether I Speak or Stay Silent

When we are feeling pain of any sort, sometimes the biggest challenge is to decide whether it serves best to speak or be silent (and yesterday I spoke)!

During a long interview with a broadcasting company who specializes in medical topics, I was able to give voice to my own struggles about dealing with pain day (and night). It was an afternoon where I was being asked to be honest about how I felt (physically and emotionally) about living with a specific medical problem that may never resolve itself. The interviewer posed questions that made me think hard about how I view my life where I now need to set some limitations on myself and activities I once enjoyed.

One of the highlights of the discussion was what I’ve personally found to be one of the most difficult aspects of this challenge; that is, I look healthy. Unless I tell someone I’m hurting, they don’t know (and even if I do…some don’t believe me). So I’ve learned to communicate what I feel like using very descriptive words with vivid mental pictures…then I’m better understood.

Since I have felt the frustration of not being understood when describing the pain I’m experiencing…I asked my co-author, Dr. Christopher Foetisch, to weigh in how patients can best communicate their pain levels when they talk with their doctors.

Is there a trustworthy gauge or guide that a person can accurately use to communicate her pain levels to others, to her physician in particular? Read below to better understand what a physician (compliments of Dr. Foetisch) silently thinks in answer to a patient’s description of her pain.

· When communicating pain scales, it’s important to be realistic. Exaggerated numbers do not impress physicians. In fact, doctors will be less inclined to believe patients are credible if they tend to exaggerate.

· For reference, the definition of “Level 10” pain is, “Pain so intense you will go unconscious shortly.” This type of pain occurs in those who have suffered a severe accident with multiple broken bones or injury such as a crushed hand or leg.

· Most people come to a physician’s office with a “Level 6” pain or less.

· Clues as to how much pain someone is in comes from nonverbals such pacing or rocking, difficulty thinking clearly or rationally, and difficulty speaking due to waves of pain or shortness of breath.

· If your pain is truly a “Level 7” or greater you should be in the Emergency Department and not in a doctor’s office.

QR Codes for Smartphones — Burdens Do a Body Good Video

I’m constantly amazed at what these little codes can do…since I don’t own a smart phone (or I should say, I don’t have an activated data plan on my smart phone), I can’t prove this works…but you can! In theory, you should be able to scan this little code and watch the video (anytime, anywhere)….give it a try and let me know how it works!

Bonus!!! If you try it out, let me know and you’ll be entered into a drawing for a copy of Burdens Do a Body Good!

Prescription for Life on Kindle

As a book lover and as a reviewer, it’s taken me some time to get my head and heart around changing technology. I appreciate the value of instant connections, email, internet, iPods, iPads, and the like as much as anyone…but a part of me is resisting seeing my work (and words) offered on an electronic device. Maybe it’s because some of my fondest parenting moments are of reading stacks of books to my children every day for years. Or maybe it’s the memories of relaxing with a good book at the beach. For me, books (the kind I can hold and mark up and dog-ear) mean something special to me and I doubt that will ever change. Still, I understand the value of keeping pace with the changing world of publishing and technology…and I suppose as long as readers are reading words (no matter by what mode), that’s the most important thing.

Single & Parenting –The Solution for Single Parent Ministry

Last spring I had a conversation with the executive producer at Church Initiative where we discussed a topic very close to my own heart…that of single parenting. While I am not a single parent, two of my closest friends are single moms and through the years much of my writing (books and articles) have been focused on their life journey. After that phone conversation, I received an invitation to travel to Oak Forest, NC, on a hot summer day and take part in their newest instructional series, Single & Parenting. I remember that day well. It was long. It was hot. It was tiring.

It was also one of those spectacular days that don’t come around often, one of those few spaces of time when you feel as those you’ve “come home” the moment you arrive. If you’ve ever visited a place for the first time and felt that overwhelming sense of being cared for, loved, and “wanted”…you know what I’m talking about. The entire day spent working with the wonderful folks at Single & Parenting remains a beautiful memory for me. I was taken by their kindnesses, their shared vision for helping people and families, and their respect for each other…powerful images remain in my mind. While we can’t all visit Church Initiative in person, the next best thing is to take part in their newest ministry…please do look over this exciting series and recommend it to your family, friends and churches who are wanting to encourage single moms and dads and their children but don’t know how…you’ll be blest and so glad you did.

Single & Parenting
Innovative, powerful single-parent ministry
for your church

Single & Parenting makes it easy for your church to help single parents of all types:

Divorced
Separated
Widowed
Never married

We provide your church with a complete set of resources so that you can quickly equip a lay ministry team to launch a comprehensive, Christ-centered single-parent ministry—even if your leaders have no prior ministry training!

Here is why Single & Parenting is an essential resource for your church:

Trusted

The Single & Parenting videos and workbooks feature the counsel of more than 30 leading Christian experts on topics essential to single parents.

This material is published by Church Initiative, the ministry that created DivorceCare, DivorceCare for Kids and GriefShare. These programs have been placed in more than 15,000 churches worldwide and are proven effective in helping people who are facing difficult life circumstances. Single & Parenting represents the same high quality and commitment to biblical, Christ-centered ministry as found in all Church Initiative programs.

Lay driven

Single & Parenting is a lay-driven ministry. If you are a pastor, you won’t invest much time getting this ministry going. If you are a lay leader, you can be assured that we provide all of the resources you need for successful ministry.

All you need

We provide a comprehensive array of Single & Parenting training and leader-equipping tools, DVDs, workbooks and promotional resources to ensure your church offers a successful, ongoing single-parent ministry.

Prescription for Life, Making Meaningful Choices, Building a Healthy Life ebook

Ever wonder if it’s possible to write the book before the book has been written? Well, it is in this case. Before my co-author and orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Christopher A. Foetisch and I wrote our book, Burdens Do a Body Good: Meeting Life’s Challenges with Strength (and Soul), we, in fact, did write a book. What you have before is the culmination of women’s health, medical and surgical informational articles that we collaborated on before we started writing the Burdens Do a Body Good book project.

When Dr. Foetisch and I first met in 2005, I was a patient needing shoulder surgery and he was my surgeon. Even though the surgery went perfectly, my first recovery experience was a difficult one. As I healed (and over time), I began to realize that my struggles weren’t so unique. It was then that Dr. Foetisch and I started writing articles addressing some of the most common health questions and concerns women face. Many of the chapters you’ll find in this book are drawn from my own life, while some of them have been experienced by women I know or those whom I have interviewed. All of them are very personal to me. Whether you consider yourself healthy and fit or are struggling with some weighty issue, there are steps you can take to help ensure you’ll stay your healthy best or regain the optimal wellness you desire.

As you’ll see, much of health is about choices, what we say “yes” to as well as what we say “no” to in our every day decisions. Information, no matter how valuable it is, remains worthless unless we grab hold of its principles and put them to use in our lives. Each one of us determines the quality of life as it pertains to our health. Our hope is that you’ll discover how much influence you have despite periodic seasons of setback, illness, or injury. As you read, remember that your unique “Prescription for Life” means you must make meaningful choices to build your healthy life.

Sorrow: Facing Difficult Situations with Courage, Strength, and Fearlessness

Almost three years ago, our family experienced the joys of watching our oldest daughter get married while sorrowing that my father in law was dying of cancer. To be sure, this was a summer of extreme highs/lows…below is how I recall those final precious days with my father in law.

“Sorrow can go only as deep as love. And always, always, love is the ground beneath sorrow as well as the sky above it.” Gregory Floyd in A Grief Unveiled

Life is fragile and I can prove it. During the past few weeks, two distinctively unique experiences invaded my “life is frail” consciousness. All this by way of a car crash and a relative’s terminal illness. In the space of a few hours, I witnessed two cars smash headlong into each other like two tin cans being crushed under a malevolent foot. My heart stopped. My stomach lurched. Amazingly, no one was badly injured. Thankfully, these families and all who love them were spared the sudden finality of death. Fast forward to a brief, but soulful conversation with my father-in-law about the day’s activities: getting dressed, getting down food and medicine, getting ready for radiation treatment, getting back home for hospice nurse visit, getting down more food and medicine. Getting tired, getting ready for bed and getting a good night’s sleep.

Seems his days are all about getting ready. But in reality, he’s already, ready. He is; he’s farther along in this journey of life than we are and he knows it. He’s accepted it and he wants us to accept it too. Since we’re all going to die, this isn’t a news-breaking revelation. And still, I wonder if any of us is prepared to lose someone we love?

For our family, we’ve been “given notice” so to speak. Someone we love dearly isn’t going to recover, is likely to suffer, and we can’t fix it. When we first received the news, we were still grieving over the loss of two other family members who’d recently passed away. This newest blow hurt us deeply. Stunned us. Blind-sided us. And set us scurrying to make sense of yet another personal loss of life. This news caused an ache so real we felt it physically.

Then time stepped in. And faith. We slowly wrapped our minds around the truth and our emotions started to catch up with the hard facts. It still ached and our tears spilled over at inopportune moments, embarrassing us and others who helplessly looked on.

Then we turned another corner. We accepted it. In tiny, halting baby steps, we slowly began to see this “advance notice” as a blessed gift to spend time together. To talk. Laugh. Pray. Eat. Reflect. Just be together enjoying the simplest of life’s pleasures means everything now. It is a good day to be alive.

Then we began to see, really “see.” What’s important. What’s not. What lasts. What won’t. And those things that fall into the “what won’t last” are what we spend the bulk of our days chasing. Money. Careers. Achievement. Possessions. More money. Just stuff, really. Insignificant. Fleeting. Distractions. Not worth a single cent in eternity. Not one. Only God and people are forever. That’s it, that’s the end of the story.

Or not? Conversations are turning more and more to the life after this one, and we’ve discovered in the midst of the emotional pain that a sure and certain hope is a wonderful thing. And it’s real. Substantial. Peace-inviting, anxiety-nixing gift straight from the hand of God. Selah….peace. From the inside out, may you find it today.

Takeaway Action Thought: It is not selfish to take care of you in the midst of sorrowful situations, it is necessary and it is smart.

Weight Bearing Exercises
During those seasons of loss and sorrow, one of the first things relegated to the bottom of a woman’s to-do list is self-care. While life and its accompanying emotional pain presses in on her…a woman frequently forfeits one of her strongest coping commodities, her physical and emotional well being by simple neglect. Women, as the givers of care, must be proactive in daily self-care in order to most effectively cope and deal with the many layers of grief that come part and parcel with sorrow and loss.

COURAGE – Facing facts and doing something about them. When sorrows tally up, women need to harness and guard their emotional strength by reminding themselves of the following.
· Balance work, home, and relaxation; don’t take on new responsibilities during this time.
· Talk with trusted friends about what you’re feeling; as you do, you’ll find the weight of sorrow is shared as it is distributed some amongst people who care.
· Understand your limitations; listen to what others are observing in you and heed their counsel.

STRENGTH – Making sure you’re fit for what’s coming. When sorrow makes its presence known day after day, women need to build up and maintain their physical strength.
· Exercise daily; set (and maintain) your routine of getting a minimum of 20 minutes/3 times per week.
· Get enough sleep; factor in 7 – 8 hours of nighttime rest every night.
· Take vitamin supplements daily and eat for optimal health to offset the extra emotional pressures.

FEARLESSNESS – Moving forward even when the outcome is uncertain. When the worst is over, women need to decide what they believe, why they believe, and how their beliefs will equip them to face the future, here they develop their spiritual strength.
· Revisit and re-evaluate former belief systems; ask yourself how what you say you believe about life/death/suffering makes a difference?
· What did you learn about yourself and about how you handle loss and sorrow?
· Contemplate tomorrow in the aftermath of today’s painful circumstance. What can you do to be better prepared for future challenges?

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56: 8

Doubt: Knowing Who and What to Trust

“Is it possible that doubt might be one of those unwelcome guests of life that is sometimes, in the right circumstances, good for you?”
John Ortberg in Faith & Doubt

Have you ever considered the upside of doubt? When you’re not certain about something or someone, you take a step back and do some contemplating; some weighing out of the facts (or fiction) presented you. We all recognize there are times when doubting makes plain good sense and in some circles, doubt even has a friendlier connotation and its name is discretion. This so named valuable asset, this ability to be discerning enough to tread carefully, can in reality, offer a woman much by way of protective buffers.

The woman who exercises a measure of discretion (by not trusting everything she’s told) is demonstrating both knowledge and good judgment. She’s tuned in to seeing behind the obvious and looking for those telltale signs of either truth or falsehood. But she’s not a cynic and she’s rarely bitter. No, she’s simply honed that skill of gathering the evidence, thinking through the objections and weighing the consequences before moving ahead. In so doing, she’s saved herself and those around her from disasters ranging anywhere from the miniscule to those mistaken judgment calls of potentially catastrophic proportions.

There will always be room for doubt, as there must be. For truly, doubt is trust’s intrinsic flipside. No one fully trusts without first putting something (a belief system, a person, or a choice) through a series of mental paces. We might not consciously recognize this process, but all the same, we exercise it countless times a day. Our thoughts continually wrestle with and endure an inner give/take motion whenever we are presented with the unfamiliar or untested. What we conclude determines the next step, rightly so. This truism is worked out most visibly in the personal relationship arena.

Author John Ortberg offers this look-see into the give and take process that occurs daily between people in every sort of social and work situation. “When I trust you, I take a little piece of myself – my stuff, my money, my time, my heart – and put it in your hands. And then I’m vulnerable. Then you respond, and I find out whether you are trustworthy and dependable. I give you the gift of my trust, and you give me the gift of your faithfulness.” It is exactly at this key juncture, in this difficult yet essential “finding out” realm that individuals make discoveries about themselves and those they’ve trusted. The dynamic interplay that takes place between people will change everyone involved, even when trust is broken, maybe especially then.

No doubt. Whether a person puts her faith in people, a process, or a plan, doubt will be a close kin to all. There will be ebbs and flows, highs and lows, glimpses of understanding and long slow stretches of darkness, where we mentally take ourselves by the hand and walk ourselves back to what we know to be trustworthy and true. By and by, we’ll get there. To be sure, we’ll recognize how both doubt and trust played their roles in helping us arrive safely. Final word, “Test everything. Hold on to the good.”

Takeaway Action Thought: When in doubt, stop, pause, consider. If something is right, it can stand the wait.

Weight Bearing Exercises

There’s that old saying, “When in doubt, don’t,” and in truth, this catchall phrase makes perfect sense most of the time, but there’s at least one area of exception to this old adage and it applies to your physical health. Whenever you have a doubt, never take the “don’t” route. Rather, “do” something proactive and health protective to get the information you need. Do – call your physician, check with your pharmacist, and locate answers to your questions. Whether you’re in need of an immediate reply or are simply looking ahead, there are answers to be found and help available. You just need to know where to go and whom to trust.

Information is only as good as its source: As there are literally thousands of Internet sources available for medical information, consumers need to be leery of what they are reading (and believing). Unfortunately, a significant amount of purported medical advice is merely unsubstantiated personal opinion and sadly, flagrant misinformation abounds. Ask yourself if the site you’re researching on might have hidden agendas? Does the site’s advertising parent company also sponsor the topic you are reading about? Or is the medical advice in reality an advertisement hidden in the guise of a “scientific” article?

Private-sector sites you can trust. There are many good sources of accurate information for medical consumers on the Internet. Check out these sites for health-related topics applicable to both women and men: WebMD.com, HealthCentral.com and WrongDiagnosis.com. Try the HealthyWomen.org site for a broad range of women’s health issues and which is physician approved.

Governmental websites that are useful. The National Institutes of Health site at health.nih.gov is a good general information site with links to specific women’s health issues as well as many other useful resources.
1. Peruse the hrsa.gov the US Department of Health and Human Services web site to locate links to available health care regardless of your ability to pay.
2. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website at cdc.gov is an excellent resource for health and safety issues. This is the place to look for information on food borne illness and any current outbreaks of this type.
3. For a listing of state health agencies go to the FDA’s website at fda.gov/oca/sthealth.htm.
4. Local health information should be obtained through your county health department.