Take Time to Play

A couple of weeks ago, I reviewed a book titled, Contentment: The Secret to a Lasting Calm by Richard Swenson, MD, who also wrote, Margin, some years back.

I look for several things when I’m reviewing and one is how quotable an author is…because when a person can communicate something powerful and memorable in a few words (or sentences,) it packs a bigger punch.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to share some of this author’s power punches about learning how to live contentedly (and yes, there are some skills, choices, and disciplines involved here.)

But for now, I’d like to share one brief quote from this text (because it’s been a long work week and I want to take time to play this weekend beginning now).

Are you ready?

Guaranteed this statement will have you thinking for a while.

Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) shared –

Before we set our hearts too much on anything, let us examine how happy are those who already possess it.

Told you so.

Pedal On!

Since everyone I know seems to feel like they’re pedaling uphill these days…I was delighted to find this short piece from David Jeremiah today.

Read…and pedal on!

An unknown author once described his journey of giving God control of his life as a tandem bike ride with Christ in the front. He said, “When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long trails up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds; it was all I could do to hang on!! Even though it looked like madness, He said, ‘Pedal!’ I was worried and anxious and asked, ‘Where are you taking me?’ He laughed and didn’t answer, and I started to learn to trust. And I’m beginning to enjoy the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Christ. And when I’m sure I just can’t do anymore, He just smiles and says, ‘Pedal.’”

Though we may fear and doubt where God is taking us, when we give Him control, our life will never be the same. We’ll begin to find adventure in the midst of adversity, and peace during times of pain. All we have to do is let Him steer our life while we simply pedal.

Give your life to God; He can do more with it than you can!
Dwight L. Moody

The Great Consolation: Doing What’s Right

“In many ways, sin is the punishment for sin. The more I choose against God’s design and give in to my sinful desires, the more I suffer even if I never get caught, even if no one else knows.”
Philip Yancey

I could be backing myself into a corner here. Maybe. Maybe not. You decide.

How much would you pay for a clean conscience? To sleep sound at night? To enjoy a guilt-free existence? What about the basking in a conflict-free zone with co-workers, family, friends, and neighbors alike? Ever considered how much value we place on treating (and being treated by) others with courtesy, respect, and selflessness?

It’s a high stakes gamble anymore just locating individuals willing to live sacrificially in theory let alone having to actually make good on any spoken ideals.

After all, since when did we ever believe that when a person makes a promise they intend to keep it? We used to consider someone’s word their bond. That and a handshake could seal a deal with nary a second thought. Which makes me afraid of how very far we’ve wandered from moral absolutes of any kind. Even saying there is a definitive right and wrong is considered outdated, out of touch, passé’ and better left unsaid.

But I just cannot agree. Since when does doing the “right” thing ever go out of style?

People still need a word of encouragement, surely that’s a “good” thing. People still need a helping hand when they’re down, surely that’s the “right” thing to do. People still get sick, some die, while their families grieve. Surely, offering comfort is the “right” thing.

No matter what we say, inside of us is a God-given barometer for gauging what’s right and wrong. And no matter what society tells us, our conscience smarts, we do feel guilty, and our sleep is disrupted when we make choices that go against this internal warning system.

So why do we fight it? Wouldn’t it be better to do what’s “right” instead of taking the easy “wrong” route? Think about it, if you’re going to experience some type of internal upset in response to your attitudes and actions wouldn’t it be prudent to decide to act “rightly” toward others from the get-go?

You can’t lose when you do right. You’re not only benefiting another individual on a person-by-person basis but more largely, and in ripple effect, society in general. Changing the temper and tone of society by single acts of kindness, who knew?

Face it, whether we like it or not, we reap what we sow. Even when no one else knows what we’ve done (or left undone), we know. Wonder when we’ll get it right?

Hear That Sound? It’s Us Clicking

I suppose this could be called friendship week since I’ve spent so much of my time and thoughts mulling over mine. I also suppose there’s no better way to start the weekend than to consider and then give thanks for those who make our lives richer and then tell them so.

“No matter what age we are, a profound sweetness glides over the human spirit when we are included in a small circle by an old friend.” Robin Jones Gunn

All grown up now? With better things to do? Weightier matters pressing upon you, shadowing you? Merciless time crunches, dire financial gymnastics, strained work relationships? Feeling pressured by every side to comply or conform? Oh, wake up and stop the whining! There are more important things to be done.

Stop everything. Quiet that frenzied hamster wheel in your mind. Forget about deadlines, details, debts, and any other impending disaster that tempts you away from the most significant activity you can imagine on today’s agenda. For the next few moments just sit back and consider what’s the most valuable quantifiable asset you possess. If you’re toying with mental pictures of a mini-mansion, that sports car sitting in your garage, a summer trip to Europe, or even the newest technological wonder, halt. These accoutrements don’t even come close to measuring up to “most important” whatever in a person’s life…that’s true by any honest person’s standards.

Try again. Here’s a hint. Your most priceless resource can’t be begged, borrowed, or stolen from you. It’s so indefinably precious that all seek it, long for its company, and yet for some, it remains elusive. Doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor…it’s an equal opportunity benefit. It all starts and ends with you. Give up? It is friendship. Whether your nearest and dearest are holdovers from your earliest childhood years…or recent additions to your now adult life, what matters most is our connection to friends.

Won’t make much difference ten years from now whether you moved into the nicer neighborhood you’re eyeing, joined that elite country club, or finally achieved a coveted position of status in your workplace. If you don’t have the good sense to keep up with friends, nurturing these vital relationships over the long haul, you’ll be alone. No one there to share the joy of accomplishment. Many things in life will change. Life is at best uncertain. Tomorrow’s circumstances may very well alter your plans for the future.

So who will be there to come alongside you when life deals you a death knell blow? Who will you run to when the pain reaches beyond your ability to cope? You’ll turn to friends, old and new. And the best part is this; they’ll be there for you. (If you still have any.)

Consider friendship the best “life” insurance policy you’ll ever invest in…the dividends, the returns…are well above and beyond the cost. Before the day is out, choose to connect, to invest, and to love. Before the sun goes down, choose wisely, for your sake and that of your friend.

Author Robin Jones Gunn accurately states, “It’s a humbling thing to be chosen.”

So send an e-mail (or drop by) to a close-by friend and make a date to meet within the next week. Send another e-mail (or make a phone call) to a faraway friend, just to check up on them. Then send one to your own address, reminding yourself of the sweet joy friends have brought your way. And be glad to have been given the opportunity both to choose and be chosen.

Me and My Gang — Never Travel Far Without Them

I have an ongoing inside joke with one of my closest friends where we jokingly text each other on “one of those days” with one of two words.

Thelma
Louise

Depending on the day (and our mood) we become one of these infamous fictional female gun-totters. Of course, it’s just a joke but it clues both of us in on how the other is doing that day and then we react in kind to support each other.

That’s just one of the great things about female friendships…you don’t always need a lot of words to convey a lot of meaning. In fact, sometimes just a look will do the job. (Or a single word text.)

Which is why I’m so grateful to have a small “gang” of my own to call friends.

Fall, winter, spring, or summer…doesn’t really matter what season we’re in or what holiday we’re celebrating…rejoicing in the friendships we share with others is always the “gift that keeps on giving.” This is especially true for females.

Women and our friendships: Their solidarity is confounding, given they often agree and disagree in equal measure yet their loyalty pronounces a unity that can’t be disputed. Good friends won’t let each other fall too far. They have each other’s backs. They feel each other’s pain. They sometimes feel like a pain, true enough. And still, when the losses tally up, women rally to one another’s sides and they secure the gap with a commitment so tenacious it can be startling to onlookers as well as the women themselves.

Women reach out and secure one another. They reach under and lift up. They reach around and hold tight. Surrounded by such a safety net and secured by unconditional love, no wonder that women fare better than their male counterparts in wake of similarly devastating circumstances. It’s true; there is indeed safety in numbers.

Author Sarah Zacharias Davis observes how even after traumatic loss, the language of friendships can offer something precious, not to replace the loss mind you, but to circumvent some measure of the hurt.

“Friendship love speaks of listening, honesty, forgiveness, giving the benefit of the doubt, and sacrifice. It is standing and declaring publicly, ‘This is my friend.’”

Real friends make a woman feel safe, in season and out.

Safe.
Secure.
For sure.

Directly To The Point

Don’t you just love it when you don’t have to create a dance of words to be understood by someone?

I sure do.

The truth is, communicating well and effectively takes a lot of effort…and a lot of forgiveness.

Lots and lots and lots.

This week I was reminded of how easy it is to misconstrue what someone says and wrongly assume I understand where they are coming from (or going.)

Before you know it, feelings are all out of whack and the tension is running thick.

Which got me thinking about why we allow so much emotional turmoil to control us when we are in the place of feeling hurt and misunderstood or in the place doing the misunderstanding.

I think it’s because we don’t want to be let down by someone we care about. We put too much in the way of expectation on a relationship, a person, a position, a product, a promise, a whatever…and when we are confronted with the failings of these “whatevers” we take it too much to heart.

I really love this translation of Hebrews 13:5 by Kenneth Wuest which reads “Never, will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

In the original Greek this translation is full of emphatic negatives. “I will not, I will not cease to sustain and uphold you. I will not, I will not, I will not let you down.”

Now, that’s a form of direct communication I can sink my hopes and expectations into without fear of failure or regret.

Taking Breathers: Mental Pauses for Perceptive Goal-Setting

“Some things are worth digging for, even if they come up swinging when they are unearthed.” Margaret Becker in Coming Up for Air

Women are known for being superb multi-taskers. Simultaneously, they can answer the phone, caution an errant child with a look, work on a dissertation, and anticipate (and fulfill) the combined needs/wants of all those within their current radius. It truly is a remarkable skill. Getting more done in less time, being super-efficient, and expertly task-oriented…it’s what women do. Kudos to women everywhere, right?

What was once touted as the epitome of a female’s success, “this being everything to everyone all the time” persona, has shifted dramatically. Along with an ever-changing role status, women have become attuned to the fact that more (of anything) doesn’t necessarily equate to success (which is yet another elastic American phrase). Today’s woman now realizes that many of life’s pleasures she has so eschewed for the sole sake of productivity has diminished her life (and her person), and thereby, and ironically, bears some blame for significant counter productivity. Go figure.

Author Margaret Becker writes that today’s Westernized world churns the appetites where wanting…(you fill in the blank) becomes the overarching mantra of the entire society. Time then, is truly under siege as individuals give in to the “Do more, be more…accomplish five things at the same time – don’t waste time!” catch-phrase. Which is why it takes regular thoughtful mental reprieves and life goal reassessments to simply stay on track.

Instead of succumbing to the rote “this is the way it’s always been done” ideology, more and more women are stepping back and re-evaluating the use of their time. Sadly, it is frequently those who grow too old or too sick to be “productive” who truly grasp this principle. They understand that a full life is seeing the difference between qualitative and quantitative (and embracing the better).

Becker challenges women to use time with care, so saying that each person must learn to nurture “an attitude of protection concerning the usage of time.” This translates to being willingly present even during the “mundane tasks and pauses of the day” as we live lives in the moment, concluding that today is, “all we have here on earth, ultimately – no matter what we base our life on.”

· First step: recognize the standards by which you govern life. Review life patterns, current choices, and future aspirations. Are they quality or quantity oriented?
· Second step: schedule in time for reassessment. Ask for input, ideas and observations from other women as to how they see you/your life. Is there a healthy balance between achievement/career success and relational/people connectedness?
· Third step: adopt a brutal slash/strike mentality to eliminate any activity or task that promotes the busy is better mentality. Take on the, less is more, minimalists’ stance regarding scheduling new commitments.
· Fourth step: appreciate today, despite the angst and the irritations, learn to see and value, every day as an opportunity to grow, to give, to be.

In the end, I don’t want to be remembered for what I’ve accomplished but rather, by the mantra I lived by.

Act Justly.
Love Mercy.
Walk humbly.

Want More Time? Give Some Away

“The world delights the generous but seldom overwhelms them.”
Mark Buchanan

Ever notice that the more guardedly we hoard our time the quicker it seems to take flight? Interruptions give cause for anger, irritation, and the like. The stingier we become with our hours, minutes and seconds, the further behind we get. It’s basic life truism, whatever is grasped is eventually rendered ineffective, unsatisfying, or altogether destroyed. While responsibilities loom large, deadlines threaten, and the workload seems to increase exponentially with each tick of the clock, the urgency of the day gives way to ever-rising internal combustion. Likewise, this inmost orientation of the mind also produces a scarcity of generosity in spirit.

Study those rare individuals who are generous with their time, “…their worlds are more varied, surprising, colorful, fruitful. They’re richer. More abounds with them, and yet they have a greater thirst and deeper capacity to take it all in.”

Conversely, those whose vision of what is “time-worthy” is only as encompassing as the next item on their agenda eventually find themselves trapped in an ever-shrinking, despoiled environment. For these skinflint-ish (often productive, but frequently purposeless) souls there is never enough to go around, of time or anything else for that matter, and they pay for the hoarding dearly.

In this self-imposed prison of spirit, life erodes into an endless pattern of musts, have tos, and imperatives that never allows for the luxury of interruptions. Rigidity takes precedence over paying attention and in paying attention to those around us, their needs, wants, and cares, we quantify ourselves as people who see the value of interruption as the vehicle to some of life’s most fulfilling surprises.

Writes Mark Buchanan, “Think for a moment of all the events and encounters that have shaped you most deeply and lastingly. How many did you see coming? How many did you engineer, manufacture, chase down? And how many were interruptions?”

It is in the recognition that a day seldom passes whereby our schedules are not overridden by someone else’s needs, demands, or desires, that we discover what side of the time-punch we will position ourselves. Our task then (if our goal is to become the most efficacious of time stewards), becomes one of embracing a spirit generous with flexibility, offset with an extra measure of graciousness of heart. It’s one of life’s ironies, “…those who treat time as a gift and not possession – have time in abundance.”

· Spend time today squandering it for the sake of others.
· Lend your attention to someone in need of a listening ear.
· Take some moments to be curious about the express interests of another person.
· Anticipate interruptions and determine to greet them as opportunities to expand in knowledge and life experience.
· Focus on the larger scope of life by enlarging former perceptions of what qualifies as time-worthy.
· Give precedence to the people around you, and demonstrate this by refusing to give in to impatient distraction.

All Kinds of Goodbyes and Why They Hurt So Much

A few weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to my nearest and dearest (in my heart) cousin whom I hadn’t seen in years. It was so good seeing him again.

We laughed.
We caught up.
We reminisced.
We even got a little teary-eyed.

Then it was time to say goodbye and my throat hurt.

I hate goodbyes.

I would much rather say, “See you later.”

Somehow saying that phrase includes the hope and promise that I will indeed see that person again. Soon.

Goodbyes sort of stink and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to saying them.

There is, however, another sort of goodbye that makes my throat hurt for a very different reason.

Goodbyes to bad attitudes.
Goodbyes to regrets.
Goodbyes to lost opportunities.
Goodbyes to unhealthy relationships.

While these kinds of goodbyes still make my throat hurt…it’s for completely different reasons.

Good ones.

I realize how off I’ve been inside myself and have been nursing selfish attitudes, self-serving thoughts, mulling over the many ways I failed while participating in those going nowhere conversations that run endlessly on like “reruns of poorly made b-grade movies.”

And that other people besides myself are being forced to watch play out in my life day after day.

That mental picture alone makes my throat hurt because it forces me to face myself and the picture is not a pretty one. It’s full in my face brutally honest and stark with selfishness and I’m left with a lump in my throat because I did it again…spoke out of turn, acted without love, and returned evil for evil.

Talk about getting all choked up…how I long to say a forever farewell to those deeply rooted, carefully tended, tentacles of selfishness. But I know better.

If I want to change, really change, it’s going to mean daily, hourly, minute by minute, work on my part to rework my heart.

I like how author Randy Alcorn addresses this subject of saying goodbye to selfishness (which he describes as taking up our crosses daily).

Taking up our crosses daily doesn’t mean making one big once-and-for-all sacrifice and getting it over with. It means repeatedly, over and over again, day after day and year after year, saying no to present desires and plans in order to say yes to God and others.

And isn’t saying yes to others another way of saying a great big enthusiastic yes to life as it should be lived? I think so.

Capture the Moment and Move On

A couple of weeks ago I posted about getting over the mental hurdle of entering a television studio for the first time in years. Well, the interview ran this past Saturday and here it is…proof that I am a fallible, imperfect, mistake-making person.

Yep…painful to watch yourself in action.

So, truth to tell, I haven’t even watched it.

In all honesty, I most likely won’t.

Why?

Because if I don’t like what I see/hear from myself….I probably won’t say yes to another television offer.

Still, I’m excited and grateful for the opportunity to share the message of my book and I hope you’ll consider taking time to share it with your friends too.

As the photo states…I’m capturing the moment and moving on.

I think it’s a very good development that I’m able to laugh at myself these days.

Making healthy choices and caring for an elderly relative – 13abc.com Toledo (OH) News, Weather and Sports.