Children lighten labors…and so do their children

Ran across this quote about a year ago…

“Children Lighten Labors…” Anonymous

Ali Anne Photography

Ali Anne Photography

And though the past twelve months have been filled with high-highs and low-lows…one constant has been the joy I experience as I’ve watched our little guy grow and change (and constantly keep us entertained.)

It’s really true. Children (and their children) do lighten labors.

They give perspective…that life is always changing.
They give pleasure…just being in their presence.
They give purpose…living life right alongside them.

Children frequently are the agents that deliver the profound…just by being in their company and observing them change and grow.

I am looking forward to seeing how they continue to change and grow in 2012 and how I’ll change too…because of them.

The Persistence Quotient: Never Leave Home Without It

Earlier this week, as I walked by (READ: walked SLOWLY by) this candy display case filled with countless eye-appealing treats and desserts, I was tempted (sorely tempted) to stop and give in to the siren call of indulging in an immediate sugar rush…because I’ve given in so many times before, I know how good a piece of chocolate can taste (feel.)

Instead, I decided to hold off, take a few photos instead and come back later after my head cleared. As I had already “indulged” enough for the day and knew better than to push it with more sugar loading (tempting though it was to give-in and give-up on my plans to eat healthy, I knew from experience that if I walked away now…that persistent urge to indulge would pass…and it did.)

As I forced myself to walk away…I started thinking about some statistics I read in a review book where the author tells American readers how our kids tend to give up sooner than children from Japan.

Here’s the excerpt from Mark Batterson –

The American children lasted, on average, 9.47 minutes (trying to solve a puzzle.) The Japanese children last 13.93 minutes. In other words, the Japanese children tried 47 percent longer. Is it any wonder that they score higher on math exams? Researchers concluded that the difference in math scores might have less to do with intelligence quotient and more to do with persistence quotient. The Japanese first graders simply tried harder.

Batterson concludes:

Success is a derivative of persistence.

This author then quoted from neurologist Daniel Levitin –

The emerging picture from such studies is that ten thousand hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert – in anything. In study after study of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals, and what have you, this number comes up again and again…No one has yet found a case in which true world-class expertise was accomplished in less time. It seems that it takes the brain this long to assimilate all that it needs to know to achieve true mastery.

Interesting. Now apply that principle to every area of life and it’s clear that persistence can be the key that opens any (and every) door.

From small choices (like walking away from the chocolate counter) to big decisions (what to do with my life)…embracing a persistent (never giving up attitude) makes all the difference in outcomes.

In other words…keep at it until you master it.

Disclosure:

I will admit that before checking out of the hotel, I did walk right by the candy display, I then stopped and I placed an order for one largish sized piece of chocolate that looked divine and I consumed within five minutes of stepping away from the counter.

A word to the wise — never leave me alone for very long with your chocolate.

A Rich Inheritance — Changing As We Grow (Up and Older)

When I first saw this photo I couldn’t believe how much hair this little guy has and thought to myself, “He didn’t inherit that from me…”

In under a year, his hair has been cut more times than I can remember…thick, dark, with a slight curl…the kind of hair most women long to have but most don’t.

Made me think about what other traits (those you can see and those you can’t) that our beloved little man inherited?

As with most people, we’re interesting combinations of our parents (and our extended families)…and we often get more “interesting” as we age.

There’s something about watching babies and young children grow that get old(er) people thinking about how fast change happens. How dramatically everyone’s life changes when even one new person enters their lives.

I’d like to think that as we watch little people grow up and older, we are growing right along with them (growing up where we need to change) and growing (wiser and more caring as we get older.)

Some virtues we inherit naturally and others we have to work toward attaining.

A Word About Cookies — Winnie-the-Pooh Offers His “Cookie Wisdom”

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what’s the first thing you say to yourself?”
“What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?”
“I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
“It’s the same thing,” he said.

While on the hunt for an instruction manual I rifled through a cupboard filled with old cookbooks…and happily came across one of my children’s favorite miniature cookbooks (just the right size for chubby little fingers to grab onto…not too heavy, not too light, just right.) And isn’t everything associated with Winnie-the-Pooh “just right?”

I think so.

Everything about our favorite bear is “extra-specially” delicious because Pooh sweetens his suggestions with honey-laced words.

And we all know that a person can say just about anything to another person if said sweetly enough.

In honor of holiday baking (and in honor of Pooh’s timeless wisdom,) here is everyone’s favorite bear’s Cookie Wisdom (that also translates into good life wisdom).

See if you can spot the parallels between the two.

1. Baking: Always preheat the oven before baking and plan ahead, assembling everything you need before you start.
2. Rolling Dough: For the most tender cookies, handle and reroll with care.
3. About Overbaking: Don’t do it. Watch them carefully and be brave enough to remove them when their allotted time is up.
4. Prevent Sticking: Spray generously with a cooking-oil spray (to prevent crumbly messes.)
5. Storage: Let cookies cool on cookie sheets until firm (or ready to be handled.)
6. Ingredients: Use the best (and you’ll get the finest results.)
7. Preparation: When mixing by hand, be prepared to give your arm a thorough workout and take frequent breaks. Superfine sugar and a wooden spoon make mixing easier.

And don’t forget the rules of kitchen safety. Handle everything with care (extra-specially people.)

Smart Hairstylists — Get Inside Your Head (But Don’t Stay There)

Sitting in a swivel chair completely covered by a gown, I sat with my eyes shut tight (but my ears wide open) as my lifelong friend (and almost as lifelong hair stylist) shared with me the tricks of her trade.

I had come into her salon with a weary heart and she knew it. We bounced around topics faster than she was putting color on my hair and snipping away all my split ends.

Knowing that she listens to countless men and women tell their stories (and unburden themselves) each and every day…I couldn’t help but ask the question, “How do you hear so much bad news every day and not allow it to take you under emotionally?”

Believe me, I was all ears, because of late it seemed most of the news I had been hearing was painfully hard to take in (or take on) and I was feeling the weight of burdens not meant for me to carry.

My friend sort of laughed and then told me her trick…after years of having taken on too many of her clients’ problems (and carrying them home with her) she finally realized an important truth. She could be a caring listener and a messenger of encouragement, but she wasn’t anyone’s healer…anyone’s savior.

At that moment, my friend realized she could either continue to take on people’s burdens to the extent that she felt so over-burdened herself she became paralyzed, defeated, and unable to do anyone (including her children, family and friends) any good or she could (lay her burdens of care down at the end of each day.)

Smart woman that she is…she opted for the second (and all around healthier) choice. And I know for a fact, she’s a living, breathing emotionally fitter individual for having done so.

And as soon my friend laid her scissors down and it was safe for me to start nodding my head in agreement…I told her she was the second person within one week to give me that same mental picture of putting burdens down at the end of every day.

In both instances, the truth I need to get inside my head is that, I can listen and offer a message of encouragement, but I cannot presume I am in the position to be anyone’s healer. I am not.

Like most lessons in life, I seem to require multiple reminders before it sinks into my head…today’s visit to the salon just wasn’t where I was expecting to hear it.

The message is clear now — the people in my life who will tell me the truth I need to hear (and repeat it as often as I need reminded) are truly acting as “burden lifters” toward me. And don’t we all need at least a few people we trust enough to “get inside our heads?”

The Last Laugh — Remembering How Good It Feels

Last week I watched a movie where the main character suddenly started laughing…uproariouly…joyfully…that deep from her insides kind of laugh.

Once she stopped, she commented that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed. Really laughed.

I sat there thinking about the last time I’d laughed that hard.

Thinking.
Thinking.
Thinking.

Nothing came immediately to mind. And that thought is enough to make anyone cry.

So I started looking through old photos trying to recall some experiences that had me doubled over in laughter. I found one.

It’s not too recent (but it still makes me smile…so it still counts.)

About a year and a half ago, I traveled up North for a friend’s daughter’s wedding and while there my kids and I trekked up and down the sand dunes each day. On the first afternoon, that first hill about killed me (not because it was arduously steep and not because I am not used to climbing “steep” anymore)…it was because my kids were making me laugh.

I was laughing so hard for so long I could barely catch my breath (and did it ever feel good.)

While two kids cheered me on from the top and third from behind, a fourth decided to capture my uphill movement on video (so we have documented that yes, mom can make it to the top…and yes, she looks pretty funny getting there.)

But what a memory!

And with a year that’s been filled with “heavy” I’m ready for “light.”

So I’ve decided that despite grim circumstances that are circling around people I love, I am going to “make light” of more by laughing more.

In order to laugh more freely, more fully, more frequently…I know I need to follow these steps.

1. Surround myself with people who know how to laugh (or make more friends with those who do.)
2. Look for the comical in every situation (because it’s hidden somewhere.)
3. Read more books by humorists.
4. Watch more comedies.
5. Think then speak positively (and smile even when I’m not feeling it.)
6. Learn to laugh at myself more when I fail (this step alone will provide lots of opportunity to practice.)

This list, I think, is a good starting (and middle and ending) place.

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb (and Other Childhood Messages That Stick)

When the newest member of our family was old enough to start banging his little fists on his high chair table (not in a demanding way…but in time to my poorly executed rhythmic recollection of a favorite childhood book, Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb by Al Perkins), I was surprised how quickly he tuned in to the beat of the words.

Slowly but consistently, I would start repeating the words from the book and the momentum and intensity would grow (just like it does in the book). It was fascinating how riveted this little guy was as I spoke the words while drumming my hands before his face. Didn’t take long before he started mimicking me as soon as I started to repeat this catchy word play. He remembered (and appeared to become enchanted).

Scary.

It took me back some years when my own children were young and we would be watching their one alloted hour of daily television and a commercial would come on…and I would mute the volume. As a person who has studied marketing, I wanted to make sure my kids didn’t succumb to the onslaught of messages telling them they needed to purchase certain products in order to be happy.

So, at first laboriously, we’d click off the volume every time, and after a while, whoever was holding the remote did it without thinking. When one of them would balk, they’d get a 60 second (commercial sized) lesson on critical thinking and how marketers have one aim…to communicate dissatisfaction to their watchers.

Eventually, my kids would come to see the value of turning off and away from the media…but it took time and lots of repetitive instruction for them to believe me (as a parent who loved them unconditionally) over some strange (but compelling) marketing strategist.

I’d forgotten all about this little quirky ritual our family practiced until recently when I rediscovered how much influence a big person has over a little person (my fingers drumming on a drum in front of six-month-old Logan).

Then I realized how much power parents have (and responsibility) to diligently monitor their kids’ media choices because children will become what they fill their minds with (we all do).

So, while I don’t always turn off commercials today…I am mindful of the messages they’re sending me…and how I’m better off hitting the mute and thinking for myself.

If This Is All You See…You Don’t See Me

When my son came home from college last weekend and showed me his latest architectural project, I was pretty impressed. I studied the design. I closely looked at the detail. I thought the color, the style, the whole concept was unique and interesting (and I told him so).

I thought I fully appreciated his work.

Wrong.

After letting me gaze at his model for a bit longer, my son then asked me if I “got it“? Meaning, did I understand the principles he utilized in creating this particular structure…honestly, I didn’t.

So he began explaining why he designed each section of this structure and what it signified. Further, he told me how I should feel if I were a miniature person entering at one end of the building and walked through to the other. There was intention in every step.

I was impressed before he started giving me a lecture (I mean who has the patience or the manual dexterity to exactly position each of these tiny pieces of wood?) Not me.

He also told me how long it took to create (about 100 hours) and how much the materials cost (about 150.00 dollars)…as I mentally weighed the cost, the value of this project suddenly edged up even farther in my mind.

At first, I believed I understood the value of my son’s work but once he started walking me through the paces of how he created it, everything about his structure meant more.

Funny thing is that he recognized from the get-go that I wasn’t “getting it” at least not as fully as I might have…thus, his lesson for fully “fleshing out” the thought behind each intentional piece.

I took another long look at his work (and haven’t stopped) since he brought it home. A few times I was even reminded of a movie I watched many years ago where the main character who had literally lost part of his face in a car accident said, “If this is all you see (referring to his now disfigured face), then you don’t see me.”

I’ve thought about that statement (and my hasty assumption about my son’s project) a number of times and it’s challenged me to take several actionable steps of my own.

If I’m truly serious about “seeing” people, places, things as they truly are, I need to:

Slow down with intention.
Look around with the awareness only children (or the elderly) seem to possess.
See to understand what’s behind the obvious.
Find value in the process (and repeat).

Seeing, really seeing, like truly listening, takes an outlay of time and effort…but the paybacks are enduringly eye-opening.

Guest Post by Denise4Health — After Mastectomy

To follow Denise4Health click this link.

Read Denise’s latest update on her breast cancer journey below.

So here I am one week post mastectomy. My surgery consisted of Modified Radical Mastectomy of the left breast and lymph node dissection of 14 lymph nodes. One week post surgery I am feeling far better physically and emotionally than I ever dreamed I would!

I’ve had a lot of time to ponder all of this. The reason it has been far easier is the preparation I did before surgery. I suppose it depends on the person as well. Quiz time: are you a person who just jumps into the pool without even feeling the water temperature or do you put your toe in first and gradually, slowly and methodically get used to the water? It takes me about 15 minutes to finally get under in a pool or lake.

Moving toward Mastectomy has been like slowly getting into a frigid lake. And as a result of my planning and preparation, my physical recovery has been much faster because I was emotionally prepared and the frigid lake doesn’t feel quite so cold. My surgeon’s office offered me a surgery date 24 days sooner than the actual surgery date. When they called me about the hurried date, I immediately started to cry, my intuition yelled “NO” and I had the courage to say, “I am not ready yet.” The nurse scheduler wisely said, “Then wait. We treat your whole person, not just the tumor.” So I then took the later date and am so grateful I did. I am not recommending you put off surgery indefinitely. But if you have a choice, give yourself some time to grieve prior to mastectomy if your surgeon will allow it. I did alot of grieving and crying before surgery over the loss of my breast. I am grateful I had that time to grieve. It was a great gift to myself.

If you are one of the 78,000 women per year in the United States who needs a Mastectomy, it seems so overwhelming, you can’t imagine what to do first. I am going to give you some tips that will definitely help you.

1) Recuperation Clothing – Clothing is important to us women! Be prepared to have the right kind of clothing when you leave the hospital for recuperation purposes. My wisest purchase was a button up the front cotton tunic 2 sizes larger than I wear and very long. It also had a pleated front to cover bandages and compression bands. My lopsided breasts were not so apparent in this blouse. I’ve lived in this blouse between washings! I wish I would have purchased two of them.

2) Mastectomy Camisole – this has been so helpful as it gives you a place to hold the drains, it acts as a bra if you have a remaining breast, and comes with soft breast forms for either a single or bilateral mastectomy. The breast forms are so soft, they can be worn home from the hospital. Being able to insert your new “breast”, is a real comfort! Looking good is feeling good. Many hospitals provide these and insurance companies pay for them. Check before you purchase one.

3) Vest – I purchased a fleece vest in a size larger than I wear from K Mart for $11.99! This inexpensive purchase has been extremely useful as I placed it over my blouse or pajamas. It has inside and outside pockets to carry cell phones and other small items, and if you get visitors, it is a great shield. The vest makes you feel protected and less vulnerable. This vest has proven to be much better than a cumbersome robe!

4) Mastectomy Pictures – Look at pictures on the internet of mastectomies and reconstructive surgery to help mentally prepare. I could not do this alone. My sister and niece had to help me with this. Ask for help from a trusted friend or family member.

5) Recuperation and Healing Space – Prepare your recuperation space. For me, it has been a Recliner–waking, sleeping, and eating. It has been so much easier to sleep in the Recliner because of pain. Have what you need by your space before you leave for the hospital. Make it a pretty space, a healing space, a loving place with plenty of small tables around and places to grab things easily. If you share your home with family members, find a corner of your home just for your healing space.

6) Travel Pillows – Three or 4 travel pillows. I purchased mine at a discount store for $2.49 each. These have been an ENORMOUS help!! First, coming home from the hospital was an hour car ride. These smaller pillows can be placed over surgery area for seat belts, stuffed by your back, or held to comfort you. Since I had a lymph node dissection, I use these pillows to prop my arm and shoulder area, put them on my lap to rest my laptop on, and many other uses!!

7)Exercises – You will most likely be assigned post-surgery exercises to regain your mobility in your arm and shoulder areas. I asked a trusted friend who also is faithful to exercise, to assist me. She has been invaluable. There was so much information, I couldn’t handle one more thing. My friend came before surgery to review the exercises with me, then made an appointment with me the day after I got home from the hospital. This gave me a purpose to feel better and an incentive to do the exercises. She visited several more times until I got the routine on my own. It was like having a Physical Therapist!

8) Incision – A few hours after surgery, my surgeon came in to check the incisions. She asked me if I wanted to look. I did. I would encourage you to do so. It helps looking with your surgeon. Somehow I was able to separate from my missing breast and look at it as an incision I would have to care for and clean.

9) Mirrors – Before surgery, cover the bottom portion of your mirrors at home. I knew I would not be ready to look at a full frontal view of myself. Looking down is one thing. Looking in a mirror takes alot more courage. I taped fabric over all of my mirrors so I can only see my face. This has been an enormous help!! It gives you control. On my largest mirror, I left a space open off to the side so I could peak when I was ready.

I finally looked in the mirror briefly on Day 7 after surgery. It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. God’s grace meets preparation. My soul feels the same. I’m still me. In fact, I think I am more beautiful now. Before, like most American women, I was always comparing my faults and how my body didn’t match up to the women in magazines and on television. Now that definition of beauty has been stripped from me. But there is a freedom in that difference.

10) Pain Medicine – I asked my surgeon’s office if they would give me my prescriptions a couple of days before surgery, which they did. This was so helpful as the pain meds were ready for me upon my arrival at home. I didn’t have to send someone to the pharmacy and wait for them to arrive. And speaking of pain medicine, take it! My surgeon explained to me if your body uses the energy to fight pain, it takes longer to heal. Once this was explained to me, it made sense and took away my fear of pain medicines . Also, be sure to purchase a stool softener like Collace or Dulcolax when you purchase the pain meds to avoid constipation. They really work! Also, have high fiber foods at home ready for you like oatmeal and granola.

These 10 things have made my recuperation and healing so much easier! It was a lot of work before surgery, but it kept my mind busy. Also, if you are having financial challenges as Breast Cancer is expensive, when one of your friends or family ask, “what can I do for you?”, tell them you need travel pillows, a cotton blouse, or a fleece vest. Your friends and family want to help. Why not ask them to purchase something you need that will assist you in your recovery?

Please feel free to contact me with any other questions! I will be happy to answer any questions and provide a listening ear.

Running Your Race (Means Sacrificing Every Step Along the Way)

Beginning in June, my daughter started training for her first ever marathon (the Chicago Marathon) and I was watching her get up early to run “short runs” of six or seven miles a day and then “long runs” which increased weekly until she made it to seventeen miles one Saturday evening.

A couple of times, I rode my bike alongside her on these longer runs (which we clocked in at over two hours). I peddled easily along as my daughter pushed herself one step at a time (in pain most of those steps). Clearly, she was investing a whole lot more than I was during those two hours.

As I accompanied her, I thought about my running days way back when…why I loved running (how you feel like a million bucks after about 1 1/2 miles) and why I eventually quit (I got tired of finding running partners only to have them quit on me a few months later).

So for me, watching my daughter set a goal of running 26.2 miles (in one run) was amazing to me. Inside, I was cheering her on through every single run she went on.

She endured rain, wind, heat, humidity, potholes, hills and valleys, exhaustion, sickness, pain, pain, and more pain (as knee injuries stopped her in her tracks for over a month).

When it looked like she was finally able to resume running another obstacle hit hard. A friend died. The decision to run or not with her injury was no longer, “Will my body be able to handle running this distance?” It defaulted to a more important choice, sacrificing her hard-earned goal in favor of staying put and supporting her friend’s family.

I don’t think I was ever so proud of my daughter than when she told me it wasn’t even a hard decision to make. She knew she had to set aside her own desire to run for the sake of supporting someone she loved.

I don’t think she realized it, but she had already won her race without even stepping foot on the Chicago race line. To my mind, she chose the best road to travel by stepping up to the moment and choosing to “walk” alongside her friend’s family during a time of great sorrow for them.

She sacrificed every day for months to reach a goal she eventually decided wasn’t as valuable as being there for someone who needed her.

And as John Maxwell reminds us…across every area of life, “Sacrifice is an ongoing process, not a one-time payment.”