Hear That Sound? It’s Us Clicking

I suppose this could be called friendship week since I’ve spent so much of my time and thoughts mulling over mine. I also suppose there’s no better way to start the weekend than to consider and then give thanks for those who make our lives richer and then tell them so.

“No matter what age we are, a profound sweetness glides over the human spirit when we are included in a small circle by an old friend.” Robin Jones Gunn

All grown up now? With better things to do? Weightier matters pressing upon you, shadowing you? Merciless time crunches, dire financial gymnastics, strained work relationships? Feeling pressured by every side to comply or conform? Oh, wake up and stop the whining! There are more important things to be done.

Stop everything. Quiet that frenzied hamster wheel in your mind. Forget about deadlines, details, debts, and any other impending disaster that tempts you away from the most significant activity you can imagine on today’s agenda. For the next few moments just sit back and consider what’s the most valuable quantifiable asset you possess. If you’re toying with mental pictures of a mini-mansion, that sports car sitting in your garage, a summer trip to Europe, or even the newest technological wonder, halt. These accoutrements don’t even come close to measuring up to “most important” whatever in a person’s life…that’s true by any honest person’s standards.

Try again. Here’s a hint. Your most priceless resource can’t be begged, borrowed, or stolen from you. It’s so indefinably precious that all seek it, long for its company, and yet for some, it remains elusive. Doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor…it’s an equal opportunity benefit. It all starts and ends with you. Give up? It is friendship. Whether your nearest and dearest are holdovers from your earliest childhood years…or recent additions to your now adult life, what matters most is our connection to friends.

Won’t make much difference ten years from now whether you moved into the nicer neighborhood you’re eyeing, joined that elite country club, or finally achieved a coveted position of status in your workplace. If you don’t have the good sense to keep up with friends, nurturing these vital relationships over the long haul, you’ll be alone. No one there to share the joy of accomplishment. Many things in life will change. Life is at best uncertain. Tomorrow’s circumstances may very well alter your plans for the future.

So who will be there to come alongside you when life deals you a death knell blow? Who will you run to when the pain reaches beyond your ability to cope? You’ll turn to friends, old and new. And the best part is this; they’ll be there for you. (If you still have any.)

Consider friendship the best “life” insurance policy you’ll ever invest in…the dividends, the returns…are well above and beyond the cost. Before the day is out, choose to connect, to invest, and to love. Before the sun goes down, choose wisely, for your sake and that of your friend.

Author Robin Jones Gunn accurately states, “It’s a humbling thing to be chosen.”

So send an e-mail (or drop by) to a close-by friend and make a date to meet within the next week. Send another e-mail (or make a phone call) to a faraway friend, just to check up on them. Then send one to your own address, reminding yourself of the sweet joy friends have brought your way. And be glad to have been given the opportunity both to choose and be chosen.

Me and My Gang — Never Travel Far Without Them

I have an ongoing inside joke with one of my closest friends where we jokingly text each other on “one of those days” with one of two words.

Thelma
Louise

Depending on the day (and our mood) we become one of these infamous fictional female gun-totters. Of course, it’s just a joke but it clues both of us in on how the other is doing that day and then we react in kind to support each other.

That’s just one of the great things about female friendships…you don’t always need a lot of words to convey a lot of meaning. In fact, sometimes just a look will do the job. (Or a single word text.)

Which is why I’m so grateful to have a small “gang” of my own to call friends.

Fall, winter, spring, or summer…doesn’t really matter what season we’re in or what holiday we’re celebrating…rejoicing in the friendships we share with others is always the “gift that keeps on giving.” This is especially true for females.

Women and our friendships: Their solidarity is confounding, given they often agree and disagree in equal measure yet their loyalty pronounces a unity that can’t be disputed. Good friends won’t let each other fall too far. They have each other’s backs. They feel each other’s pain. They sometimes feel like a pain, true enough. And still, when the losses tally up, women rally to one another’s sides and they secure the gap with a commitment so tenacious it can be startling to onlookers as well as the women themselves.

Women reach out and secure one another. They reach under and lift up. They reach around and hold tight. Surrounded by such a safety net and secured by unconditional love, no wonder that women fare better than their male counterparts in wake of similarly devastating circumstances. It’s true; there is indeed safety in numbers.

Author Sarah Zacharias Davis observes how even after traumatic loss, the language of friendships can offer something precious, not to replace the loss mind you, but to circumvent some measure of the hurt.

“Friendship love speaks of listening, honesty, forgiveness, giving the benefit of the doubt, and sacrifice. It is standing and declaring publicly, ‘This is my friend.’”

Real friends make a woman feel safe, in season and out.

Safe.
Secure.
For sure.

Directly To The Point

Don’t you just love it when you don’t have to create a dance of words to be understood by someone?

I sure do.

The truth is, communicating well and effectively takes a lot of effort…and a lot of forgiveness.

Lots and lots and lots.

This week I was reminded of how easy it is to misconstrue what someone says and wrongly assume I understand where they are coming from (or going.)

Before you know it, feelings are all out of whack and the tension is running thick.

Which got me thinking about why we allow so much emotional turmoil to control us when we are in the place of feeling hurt and misunderstood or in the place doing the misunderstanding.

I think it’s because we don’t want to be let down by someone we care about. We put too much in the way of expectation on a relationship, a person, a position, a product, a promise, a whatever…and when we are confronted with the failings of these “whatevers” we take it too much to heart.

I really love this translation of Hebrews 13:5 by Kenneth Wuest which reads “Never, will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

In the original Greek this translation is full of emphatic negatives. “I will not, I will not cease to sustain and uphold you. I will not, I will not, I will not let you down.”

Now, that’s a form of direct communication I can sink my hopes and expectations into without fear of failure or regret.

Taking Breathers: Mental Pauses for Perceptive Goal-Setting

“Some things are worth digging for, even if they come up swinging when they are unearthed.” Margaret Becker in Coming Up for Air

Women are known for being superb multi-taskers. Simultaneously, they can answer the phone, caution an errant child with a look, work on a dissertation, and anticipate (and fulfill) the combined needs/wants of all those within their current radius. It truly is a remarkable skill. Getting more done in less time, being super-efficient, and expertly task-oriented…it’s what women do. Kudos to women everywhere, right?

What was once touted as the epitome of a female’s success, “this being everything to everyone all the time” persona, has shifted dramatically. Along with an ever-changing role status, women have become attuned to the fact that more (of anything) doesn’t necessarily equate to success (which is yet another elastic American phrase). Today’s woman now realizes that many of life’s pleasures she has so eschewed for the sole sake of productivity has diminished her life (and her person), and thereby, and ironically, bears some blame for significant counter productivity. Go figure.

Author Margaret Becker writes that today’s Westernized world churns the appetites where wanting…(you fill in the blank) becomes the overarching mantra of the entire society. Time then, is truly under siege as individuals give in to the “Do more, be more…accomplish five things at the same time – don’t waste time!” catch-phrase. Which is why it takes regular thoughtful mental reprieves and life goal reassessments to simply stay on track.

Instead of succumbing to the rote “this is the way it’s always been done” ideology, more and more women are stepping back and re-evaluating the use of their time. Sadly, it is frequently those who grow too old or too sick to be “productive” who truly grasp this principle. They understand that a full life is seeing the difference between qualitative and quantitative (and embracing the better).

Becker challenges women to use time with care, so saying that each person must learn to nurture “an attitude of protection concerning the usage of time.” This translates to being willingly present even during the “mundane tasks and pauses of the day” as we live lives in the moment, concluding that today is, “all we have here on earth, ultimately – no matter what we base our life on.”

· First step: recognize the standards by which you govern life. Review life patterns, current choices, and future aspirations. Are they quality or quantity oriented?
· Second step: schedule in time for reassessment. Ask for input, ideas and observations from other women as to how they see you/your life. Is there a healthy balance between achievement/career success and relational/people connectedness?
· Third step: adopt a brutal slash/strike mentality to eliminate any activity or task that promotes the busy is better mentality. Take on the, less is more, minimalists’ stance regarding scheduling new commitments.
· Fourth step: appreciate today, despite the angst and the irritations, learn to see and value, every day as an opportunity to grow, to give, to be.

In the end, I don’t want to be remembered for what I’ve accomplished but rather, by the mantra I lived by.

Act Justly.
Love Mercy.
Walk humbly.

Guest Post by Jim Lange – Calming the Storm Within

Author Jim Lange offers a timely lesson from his newest book release, Calming the Storm Within. Enjoy!

A Lesson Learned From My Own Writing

I am humbled. Let me explain why.

For a 30 month period, ending in December of last year, I had been working on my latest book, Calming the Storm Within: How to Find Peace in This Chaotic World(released in December, 2012). The two weeks leading up to the launch were a whirlwind with me trying to get a lot of stuff completed. I admit it…I didn’t have a lot of peace. Though I explain in the book that one of the main reasons I wrote this was because of my struggle with attaining peace, I am still humbled by this. Me, the author of a book on peace, struggling with finding it…go figure.

As I was perusing the text of the book, I came to the realization that I had been trying to control the process. I was not relinquishing control to God. And thus, I had no peace. Here is the excerpt from the book–about a time a little over two years ago–that really caught my attention:

As I write this chapter, it is late February. I am looking out the window of my home office and the scene is quite breathtaking. It seems that every tree branch in sight is glistening because of last night’s ice storm. To my left is one of the several birch trees in our yard. It is approximately 30 feet tall and quite beautiful. Currently the top of the tree is resting on the ground, yet the tree is not broken…it looks like a big catapult.

Earlier today, I ran a quick errand and I noticed the wreckage all around our community. Many, many trees were destroyed from the weight of the ice. I saw some in which every branch of the tree was broken off and the only thing left was a short, stubby and lonely trunk. Many yards had branches littered about. Even some streets were temporarily closed because of the limbs in the road.

This left me wondering why some trees, like our birches, seemed to have survived the storm while others were killed or permanently scarred. I have noticed over the years that birch trees are very flexible. They sway with the wind and the storms. Other trees tend to be much more rigid and inflexible. It is those rigid trees whose branches were broken off in this storm. The birch and other flexible trees simply bent with the storm and will eventually return to their original condition, stronger for the experience.

The same is true in your life. If you are rigid and desirous of control, you, too, might have branches broken off which can leave painful scars, or worse. However, if you let go of your desire to control and let God have His way in your life, you can also be restored, a stronger person for the experience. Remember, God is working on your behalf. In all things, He is working FOR you (see Romans 8:28).

A lack of peace may occur in your heart when you try to take control of something in which you do not have control. This often happens because of the underlying fear that you may have in your heart…a fear that God is not going to provide or protect. This fear can then lead to worry and anxiety.

I have realized that I have been acting like these rigid trees…and have been experiencing the pain of my branches being snapped off. This has been a great reminder for me to release my desire for control.

God used my own writing to convict me…incredible! He is amazing and He does have a great sense of humor!

Jim Lange lives in Lambertville, MI and is the president of Five Feet Twenty (www.5feet20.com), an organization that coaches leaders and helps them to be all God made them to be. His latest book, Calming the Storm Within can be found at http://www.calmingthestormwithin.com.

Want More Time? Give Some Away

“The world delights the generous but seldom overwhelms them.”
Mark Buchanan

Ever notice that the more guardedly we hoard our time the quicker it seems to take flight? Interruptions give cause for anger, irritation, and the like. The stingier we become with our hours, minutes and seconds, the further behind we get. It’s basic life truism, whatever is grasped is eventually rendered ineffective, unsatisfying, or altogether destroyed. While responsibilities loom large, deadlines threaten, and the workload seems to increase exponentially with each tick of the clock, the urgency of the day gives way to ever-rising internal combustion. Likewise, this inmost orientation of the mind also produces a scarcity of generosity in spirit.

Study those rare individuals who are generous with their time, “…their worlds are more varied, surprising, colorful, fruitful. They’re richer. More abounds with them, and yet they have a greater thirst and deeper capacity to take it all in.”

Conversely, those whose vision of what is “time-worthy” is only as encompassing as the next item on their agenda eventually find themselves trapped in an ever-shrinking, despoiled environment. For these skinflint-ish (often productive, but frequently purposeless) souls there is never enough to go around, of time or anything else for that matter, and they pay for the hoarding dearly.

In this self-imposed prison of spirit, life erodes into an endless pattern of musts, have tos, and imperatives that never allows for the luxury of interruptions. Rigidity takes precedence over paying attention and in paying attention to those around us, their needs, wants, and cares, we quantify ourselves as people who see the value of interruption as the vehicle to some of life’s most fulfilling surprises.

Writes Mark Buchanan, “Think for a moment of all the events and encounters that have shaped you most deeply and lastingly. How many did you see coming? How many did you engineer, manufacture, chase down? And how many were interruptions?”

It is in the recognition that a day seldom passes whereby our schedules are not overridden by someone else’s needs, demands, or desires, that we discover what side of the time-punch we will position ourselves. Our task then (if our goal is to become the most efficacious of time stewards), becomes one of embracing a spirit generous with flexibility, offset with an extra measure of graciousness of heart. It’s one of life’s ironies, “…those who treat time as a gift and not possession – have time in abundance.”

· Spend time today squandering it for the sake of others.
· Lend your attention to someone in need of a listening ear.
· Take some moments to be curious about the express interests of another person.
· Anticipate interruptions and determine to greet them as opportunities to expand in knowledge and life experience.
· Focus on the larger scope of life by enlarging former perceptions of what qualifies as time-worthy.
· Give precedence to the people around you, and demonstrate this by refusing to give in to impatient distraction.

All Kinds of Goodbyes and Why They Hurt So Much

A few weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to my nearest and dearest (in my heart) cousin whom I hadn’t seen in years. It was so good seeing him again.

We laughed.
We caught up.
We reminisced.
We even got a little teary-eyed.

Then it was time to say goodbye and my throat hurt.

I hate goodbyes.

I would much rather say, “See you later.”

Somehow saying that phrase includes the hope and promise that I will indeed see that person again. Soon.

Goodbyes sort of stink and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to saying them.

There is, however, another sort of goodbye that makes my throat hurt for a very different reason.

Goodbyes to bad attitudes.
Goodbyes to regrets.
Goodbyes to lost opportunities.
Goodbyes to unhealthy relationships.

While these kinds of goodbyes still make my throat hurt…it’s for completely different reasons.

Good ones.

I realize how off I’ve been inside myself and have been nursing selfish attitudes, self-serving thoughts, mulling over the many ways I failed while participating in those going nowhere conversations that run endlessly on like “reruns of poorly made b-grade movies.”

And that other people besides myself are being forced to watch play out in my life day after day.

That mental picture alone makes my throat hurt because it forces me to face myself and the picture is not a pretty one. It’s full in my face brutally honest and stark with selfishness and I’m left with a lump in my throat because I did it again…spoke out of turn, acted without love, and returned evil for evil.

Talk about getting all choked up…how I long to say a forever farewell to those deeply rooted, carefully tended, tentacles of selfishness. But I know better.

If I want to change, really change, it’s going to mean daily, hourly, minute by minute, work on my part to rework my heart.

I like how author Randy Alcorn addresses this subject of saying goodbye to selfishness (which he describes as taking up our crosses daily).

Taking up our crosses daily doesn’t mean making one big once-and-for-all sacrifice and getting it over with. It means repeatedly, over and over again, day after day and year after year, saying no to present desires and plans in order to say yes to God and others.

And isn’t saying yes to others another way of saying a great big enthusiastic yes to life as it should be lived? I think so.